All in a Word

Quotes of the Day: "Where is the good in goodbye? " ~Meredith Willson, The Music Man
"Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye?" ~Author Unknown
[Quotes from quotegarden.com]

Songs of the Day: The Call by Regina Spektor, For Good by Idina Menzel and Kristen Chenoweth, Time of Your Life by Green Day

*Disclaimer: This is much more stream of consciousness than usual. Forgive me.

In light of recent graduations of many dear friends, enemies, and loves, I've been saying goodbye a lot. Not only to people, but to the ideas, hopes, dreams, and traditions that went away with them. These kids, the ones I've grown up with, the ones I've fallen in love with, the ones I've fought and loathed, made the experience of my year what it was. And now, besides a half-hearted congratulations, the only thing I can say is...goodbye. What an awful word. Why on earth does it include the word 'good'? There's nothing good about a farewell. Just contemplating the word reminds me of fun times and the future, which dims considerably after the utterance of that single, cursed word. Without a doubt, I'll see the majority of them again. But I can't go back to that time before we said goodbye. Just letting those syllables float out into the air changes things. It changes them a lot. What I've noticed is how it changes things differently between different people. For some, you say goodbye and the distance springs up between you as though the miles have magically appeared. For others, saying goodbye brings you closer to them in a way you never anticipated. That moment of bittersweet pause between the way you were and the unknown territory of what you'll be is all the more painful because of the uncertainty. You hang in suspense, waiting for the verdict...will you grow closer despite the distance? Or will you continue down separate paths, forever wondering what if?
Let's say the latter happens. In that case, the word goodbye becomes a question. No longer a definitive, final piece of closure, it's now a regret. One that will be pulsing through your head at two in the morning when you're wide awake, pondering your choices. It haunts you, the open ending. .You'll mentally wander back in time, replaying every interaction, wondering how things would've turned out if you'd said something else, done something bolder...it drives you crazy, the unwritten, and the only way it would fix itself is another chance to say that foolish little word. Goodbye.
But say that goodbye had brought you closer, forged a stronger bond. You clutch the moment and the person closer to you, knowing full well that the closer you get, the more agonizing it'll be when you really do have to part. Because Shakespeare lied. Parting is so not a sweet sorrow. There's nothing sweet about it. It's pure bitterness. You know you'll have to give them up. It's selfish to keep them to yourself. The world deserves a chance to love them the way you do, but you just can't bring yourself to let go. Because what if they forget the jokes and the laughter, the heavy looks, the moments of truth? You wouldn't bear it if they didn't come back. The ray of hope that'll hold you out is counting on distance to make the hearts grow fonder.
As I said, I've goodbyed a lot of friends lately. My bids of adieu have been as unique as the people I've shared them with. There have been many that are simply a "Good luck and goodbye" and that's that. But there have been others, more intricate and still not decisive. I've said goodbye only to realize we didn't want to say goodbye and have a close friendship bud, one that I am sure will continue for months, if not years in the future. I've had a goodbye that has brought a truce in a fight. Another yet that promised me a hello in the future, with nothing until then. And one goodbye that simply hasn't happened and never will, which is perhaps the most difficult to wrap my head around and accept.
Through these many, sometimes tearful farewells, I've learned one thing above all else. Peter Pan had it right all those years ago: "Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting." And as far as I'm concerned, never saying goodbye works just fine.